Newborn Photos!

When Miss Elena was just seven days old, Steven Bridges came to our house for her newborn photo shoot. You might be familiar with Steven's work; he photographed our engagement pictures and our wedding. He's uber talented, and in the three years I've known him, he's become more of a friend than our preferred photog-for-hire.

To read more about Elena's photo shoot and Steven's work, visit Steven's blog. You'll get to  read a guest post written by yours truly (woo!). You'll also enjoy a little blast from the past since Steven posted a few of our engagement and wedding photos too (dang, I was a lot skinnier back then!). And, of course, if you live in the Knoxville area, I think you should hire him for your engagement/wedding/newborn/family photography needs. For real. You won't be disappointed. Here's proof: a few gorgeous photos of our baby girl...

I love every single photo (and this is just a small sampling). I'm having a very hard time choosing just a few to frame. Perhaps I should frame them all? Excessive? Probably.

Elena's First Year: Week 5

My recent blog posts have been a little on the heavy side (like this one, this one and this one). But let's face it; it's not always rainbows and butterflies. And thanks to the many encouraging comments, emails and Facebook messages from other mommies, I am feeling much, much better and much less crazy. I am normal after all, y'all! This mommy business is no joke, and I am so thankful I have a great network of friends to help me figure things out as I go.

Anyway, let's lighten things up a bit today, and focus our attention on something pretty, shall we?

Baby Elena is five weeks old! Can you believe it? I can't. Our little lady had her one month doctor appointment earlier this week. And now that she is five weeks old, she is the weight of a newborn! She weighs seven pounds now and just transitioned from preemie diapers to newborn diapers. Such a big girl (I say, sarcastically). And I swear, my girl gets prettier, lovelier, smarter and more amazing every day. Such a stinkin' cutie.

Laundry List

I have a big fat mouth. Jonathan says I tell everything I know. And it's true. I do talk (and tell) entirely too much. I guess I just don't have any hang ups when it comes to airing my own dirty laundry.

Here's my latest load...

• Sometimes I don't shower for over a day. When I do shower, it's usually at 2:00 p.m.
• I still wear maternity pants and shorts exclusively. I often wonder if the bottom half of my body will ever fit into normal clothes again.
• Sometimes I get irritated with Elena for waking me up in the middle of the night. It's a completely irrational feeling that makes me wonder whether I am really cut out for this mommy thing.
• I desperately want a massage, a haircut and a pedicure.
• I used to think I would never be seen in public without eyeliner and mascara. Now, I rarely wear either.
• I miss being pregnant. I felt more beautiful and more loved when I was pregnant than I ever had in my life.
• Sometimes I think Elena doesn't like me. I'm not sure why, but the thought breaks my heart. I've cried about it on more than one occasion.
• I hate going to the grocery store. And I hate cooking. These necessary evils are the worst parts of my full-time stay at home mommy gig.
• My pregnant body was much more attractive than my postpartum body.
• I miss our Nashville townhouse. It felt like home.
• I will probably avoid social situations that involve wearing a bathing suit for at least the next 2-3 years.
• On the flip side, I really, really, really want to go to the beach.
• I love living in the same city as our families, but I also miss living in Nashville. There, it was just Jonathan, me and our happy little life. I miss the simplicity of being all alone.
• We still don't have cable TV in our new house, and it's driving me a little crazy.
• Sometimes I wish I had gotten a goldfish instead of a yorkie. I love Alfie, and I would never ever give him away, but his bad behavior is a huge time suck (especially now that Elena demands most of my time and attention).
• I am very jealous of all my friends who were able to deliver their babies vaginally.
• I wonder whether I am good at this mommy thing. Most of the time I feel incredibly inadequate.

That's all. For now.

First Father's Day

My little lady is being quite demanding these days (lots of back-to-back feedings with little or no nap time in between), so I don't have time (or brain power) to fully recap Jonathan's first Father's Day. But here are a few photos of our sweet girl and her daddy on Father's Day. She's definitely a daddy's girl. I'm pretty sure she already realizes that her daddy is way cooler than her mommy.

Definitely a daddy's girl

Love!

Their faces are identical... looks just like her dad!

Love Elena's expression in this one!

Happy first Father's Day, Jonathan! Elena an I think you're the best daddy and husband we know!

Elena's First Year: Week 4

My little one is a month old! I cannot believe how quickly her first four weeks of life have flown by. She grows and changes every single day and never ceases to amaze me. I am so in love!

This week's lesson; stick with big, bold patterns for fabric. This green fabric is very pretty in person, but doesn't photograph well. And it probably doesn't help that I took this picture during a thunderstorm, so there wasn't any natural light coming through the window.

The Truth About C-Sections: Recovery

"This is so mortifying," I said with a whimper, sprawled out on the bathroom floor. I can't remember whether I was wearing clothes. Clothed or naked though, I was embarrassed. Absolutely humiliated that I had to yell and ask for help.

"In sickness and in health, honey," Jonathan said, offering his arm to help me up. 

He pulled me to my feet and gave me a hug and kiss.

The reason I was on the bathroom floor doesn't matter. Let's just say that recovering from a c-section has its fair share of side effects. What really matters is that I have someone to scoop my pitiful self up off the bathroom floor and help me regain my composure. He didn't laugh at me or make fun of me. He was there for me when I needed him. He's always there when I need him... 'til death do us part.

Recovering from a c-section is frustrating (to say the very least). Walking, bending, sleeping, sitting; everything is a challenge. Not to mention the horrible side effects from the pain medications. (Seriously, who knew narcotics cause the worst constipation of all time? I had no idea. But then again, I had never taken narcotics before. And sorry for TMI, but I have to keep it real, folks.) But -by far- the most frustrating part of my recovery was the inability to focus 100 percent of my time and attention on Elena. All I wanted to do was hold, feed, rock and love my little one, but I was forced to spend a good amount of time "recovering." It's an extremely frustrating process for someone who does not enjoy feeling helpless!

Elena was born four weeks ago, and I am just beginning to feel somewhat "normal" again. Looking back on the challenges I've faced in the last four weeks, there are many, many things I wish I had known before surgery so I could have planned ahead a little better. Granted, I didn't plan to have a c-section, but had I known I would end up in surgery, here are some of the recovery "must haves" I would have considered:

• Comfy gaucho pants
  I recommend these for both maternity wear and postpartum wear. I have three pairs of these from Target. I wore them constantly in the last few weeks of pregnancy. They're perfect for c-section recovery too, because they do not rub or irritate the incision area.
• Loose underwear
  As in granny panties, y'all! I recommend these maternity panties. They roll down like gauchos and do not irritate the incision area.
• A bath sponge on a stick
  If you have to have a c-section, a bath sponge on a stick will be imperative for bathing. Bending over after abdominal surgery is simply not an option.
• A small step stool
  Getting in and out of bed for late-night feedings is nearly impossible after a c-section. My mom found this folding step stool at Wal-Mart. It was a life-saver!
• Extra medical supplies
  I had no idea that my incision could leak blood and fluid (ew!) until I woke up one morning completely covered in blood. It was terrifying, but after calling the doctor, I found out that it is completely "normal." My mom and Jonathan had to "put me back together" with steristrips and a wound dressing. I recommend stocking up on these medical supplies ahead of time so that your husband doesn't have to make a panicked run to Walgreens.
• Medicine and food to keep things moving (if ya know what I mean)
  Laxatives, stool softener, fiber drink mix, prune juice; you get the idea.
• Entertainment
  After Elena was born, I spent several days in bed doing nothing at all. I wish I had planned ahead and stocked up on movies, magazines or a good book. Yes, of course, I spent a lot of time sleeping. But it's impossible to sleep all the time (even when baby is sleeping). I wish I had known I'd be down for the count!
• Lots of help!
  I'm not sure how I could have survived the last four weeks without Jonathan and my family. They are pretty amazing! 

One final thought on c-section recovery: no matter how frustrating the recovery process has been over the last four weeks, there's one instant cure that makes me forget about all my aches and pains... 

She's my silver bullet, that girl.

The Truth About C-Sections: Regret

I won't lie; I feel very sad about the fact that I had to have a c-section. And, honestly, I feel a little cheated too. After all, I was dilated to nine centimeters (where my cervix remained for the last eight hours of my 20-hour labor). One more centimeter, and I would have been instructed to push. I was so close. But at the end of the day, I was in surgery. Being cut open. It wasn't ideal. Far from it. And while I am beyond grateful that my baby girl arrived into this world safe and sound, there are definitely a few things I shoulda, woulda, coulda done differently on her birthday.

For example...

When the doctor approached Jonathan and me about the decision to have a c-section, she hypothesized that our baby was simply too big to be delivered vaginally. The doctor declared that we were "dealing with an eight or nine pound baby." When Baby Elena weighed in at five pounds, 14 ounces at birth, I instantly knew I should have asked more questions before agreeing to be doped up and wheeled to the O.R. for surgery. Questions like:

• How do you know she weighs eight or nine pounds? (During pregnancy, nothing indicated that she would be a larger than average baby.)
• Can we have an ultrasound to confirm her size and position before moving forward with surgery? (Remember, I told the medical staff that I was certain Elena had changed positions. I could feel her snuggled into my left ribcage; somewhere she had never been before.)
• (Assuming that an ultrasound would have revealed E's "face first" rather than head first position) Is it possible to change her position manually? If so, how? What (if any) are the risks to the baby?
• Who is the next doctor on-call? (Elena was born at 7:49 p.m. which was right before shift-change. I can't help but wonder if we were rushed into surgery to prevent the next doctor on-call from having to work after-hours.)

Again, I am so grateful that Elena was born without complications. She is perfect in every way, and I feel so blessed. And I would absolutely choose surgery (over and over again) if I knew it was the best decision for my health and her health. But I have to wonder whether surgery was my only option or the best decision. I suppose these lingering doubts fall under the "life questions that will never be answered" category. And, ultimately, it doesn't really matter (sometimes I need the reminder). What happened, happened. There's no good reason to look back, second guess or feel anything other than thankful for my happy, healthy baby girl.

Elena's First Year: Week 3

My baby girl is three weeks old! We went to the pediatrician this week for her weight check, and I'm happy to report that she's growing wonderfully, weighing in at six pounds, six ounces (her birth weight was five pounds, 14 ounces). Despite bumping up in weight class, she still can't fit into any of her newborn clothes, so we rotate three or four preemie outfits that still fit. The poor girl has a closet full of clothes that simply don't fit her tiny body. It's quite a fashion dilemma!

Hi Mom!

Dear Elena,

You cried today for no reason at all. You do this from time to time, but today your loud cries and tiny tears affected me differently. 

I held your petite body against mine and rocked you back and forth. You still cried. I whispered in your ear, telling you how much I love you, but you still cried. I told you it would be OK, but you still cried. I sang a song, but you still cried. You were simply inconsolable, my sweet girl. 

All those tears... for no reason at all.

The sad face that breaks my heart!

Eventually, your wail turned into a whimper and you snubbed yourself to sleep against my chest. 

When your tears were dry, and you were fast asleep, I began to cry.

Today, I was able to provide comfort for you. Today, holding you close was enough. But I know that won't always be the case. You're going to feel pain in your life, little girl. And there is nothing your mommy can do to stop it from happening. 

You are going to grow up. Someday, you are going to cry real tears for real reasons. I can hold you close, rock you, tell you I love you and that it will all be OK. I can sing a million songs. But someday, these simple tactics won't be enough.

This is the kind of realization that breaks a new mother's heart.

I would cry every moment of every day for the rest of my life if it meant you would never have to shed a tear or experience pain. I would take on a world's worth of heartache if it meant you could smile and be happy for the rest of your life. I would do anything for you, little girl. Because I am your mommy, and anything is what mommies do for their babies.

I love you more and more every day, 

Your Mommy

Funny Face

With little sleep, my brain cells aren't working well enough to write a thoughtful blog post. So, instead, here are some of my favorite funny faces of Miss Elena. She is already a very expressive little girl. I think we may have a big personality on our hands.

I love those big, bright eyes!

And I love that sweet little sleepy face.

I even love this screaming face!

...And this grumpy girl face.

This is her "no more pictures, mom" face.

Sweet baby girl face.

I'm not sure what this expression means, but I think it's pretty cute.

Rarrrr!!!

LOVE this smiley face!

Close-up face!

Cheesy face!

Cool girl face!

Elena's First Year: Week 2

My baby girl is already growing up too fast! I cried Thursday when I realized she's already two weeks old. I am so excited to see her grow and change every day, but at the same time I want to freeze time and keep her little for just a little longer. 

This week's photo lesson: take more pictures! I didn't have a lot to choose from when I sat down to edit. Next week's photo shoot will be longer. And, obviously, my Photoshop skills are not great. The lighting is a little off. Her hair is actually much darker than it looks in this photo.

Elena's First Year: Week 1

So, I may or may not be stalkerishly obsessed with John and Sherry over at Young House Love. Seriously. They are my blog/DIY heroes. Everything they touch turns to gold, and I strive to be just like them in every possible way. Yea, I know. I am a total weirdo.

Anyway, when John and Sherry welcomed their daughter Clara into the world in 2010, they came up with a great way to document her first year of life in photos. Each week, they take a photo of the little one. They put her on a yard of colorful fabric wearing a white onesie. Then, through the magic of Photoshop, they add a cute little graphic to the onesie each week. (Find the details and how-to for the project, here).

This project is perfect for me! It combines my desire to document every single moment and milestone of Elena's life with my desire for a creative hobby.

Here's my attempt at week 1:

Not too shabby, huh? I am certainly not a Photoshop pro, and I hope to get better each week.

At the end of her first year of life, I'll use the photos to create a keepsake book. I'll use the fabric to make a keepsake quilt. The photos and fabrics will also come in handy for decorations for her first birthday party (yet another idea I stole from John and Sherry).

And, yes, I realize it's a little nuts that I am already thinking about her first birthday. Trust me, I am not rushing it! I want to soak in every single moment while she is little. But since I can't stop her from growing up too fast, I might as well be planful and prepared!